Senator Rimjob from Kentucky

Republicans have always had fun names. You’ve only got to Google Santorum (Rick) to be put off your breakfast and Donald Trump has long been rhyming slang. They’ve got a junkie called Rush, a bumpkin called Huckabee and even Palin doesn’t pale into insignificance. (Still nothing interesting to say about Mitt, though).

But you can’t beat Charles and David Koch, the sinister billionaire owners of Koch Industries, the puppetmasters of the Tea Party. American anchors say ‘Coke’, really stretching out that ‘o’, because Coke’s American and that’s how the billionaires like it. But Koch is a German name, so the ‘o’ is short and the ‘ch’ is phlegmmy. It’s not the Loke Ness Monster, after all. America is actually being shafted by the brothers Cock. Check out the nightly news:

“The Cocks are firmly behind the teabaggers on this one, really taking a hard line and pressing the issue. And talk about trickle-down economics, they’re just showering the far right in their bounty…”

“That’s right Chris – literally spraying golden campaign finance droplets all over the Tea Party’s tits.”

I love how the sniggerworthy names all belong to the puritan wing, the party of “I never even heard of teabagging before…” I love how the word “teabagger” is all over the polite airwaves. (Will Dirty Sanchez be next? Anything is possible – this is America!) I love the perfectly literal association between the party of homophobes and the practice of dunking one’s scrotum into a partner’s mouth.

There are some great comedy names in fiction like  John Self, Milo Minderbinder and Billy Pilgrim, but the conservative right in America today are worthy of that company. Charles Cock and the Teabaggers sounds like a doo-wop band. Except with no rhythm this time. Or soul. Or heart for that matter. Just a lot of oil. And we know another use for oil…

“We turn now to Senator Rimjob from Kentucky, a rising star in the Republican party. Senator – you’ve heard the news. Bobby Ballsack will be running against Governor Taint in the primaries. Do you agree with Mitch McAnal, that Ballsack’s got this in the bag?”

“I don’t know Chris, Taint’s on a hot streak. I think we’ll see Ballsack trailing soon…”